we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
