So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
