and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
