i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
