Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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