Already got asked if we're dating
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
