Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
