i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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