So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
