There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
