She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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