Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
