I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
