If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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