HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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