i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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