discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
