Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
