Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
