I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
