New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
