he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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