When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
