I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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