My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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