walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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