You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Everclear isn't food dammit
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
