she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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