dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
