She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
