u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
