I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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