Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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