I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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