hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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