Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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