when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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