I'm drive I can fine osifer
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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