I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
