Christians are straight up FREAKS
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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