I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
