I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When are your genitals available?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
