Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
