She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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