Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
