Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
