You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
