sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
