Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
