i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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